DUDE....you're getting a paycheck....

Meet Michael Dell...the hottie I'm selling my soul to, one paycheck at a time...

actually, its not that bad really...apart from standing on my feet for 12 hours, 3 days a week...they have alot going on....

...I get to do my job without being babysat....they have a awesome cafeteria, with direct tv (thanks to all of the football fans, I didn't miss too much of the draft)...and the pay is right...

...and if I play my cards right, I might save enough to get that 2gig jump drive I've been lusting after...

...after I get my car, of course, but that is a blog for another time...

Sique

...mahth mak cee kay we tah did....

...dear reader , Your Humble Blogger has had to put up with:

...limp-wristed gits trying to insult her,

...an ex husband trying to cling to a dead marriage,

...a companion who wants her at arm's length, but in the same city,

But nothing, NO NOTHING, has made a blemish on her cocoa hide....

but there is a force so big, so unstoppable, so dangerous that it might blow her mind and send her running scared...

College Math.

yes, math...but not just any math OOOHHH NOOO... College Math, the bane of the returning student existence since the dawn of Euclid....

radical expressions, quadratic equations, graphing and linear inequalities....they haunt the mind and numb the senses....

and make you feel like a complete and utter dumbass.

Jinge, my friend, companion and sometimes Archrival can do any problem in 30 seconds flat...CORRECTLY...then turns to say "It's not really that hard, Sickie (I hate it when he trys to be cute...but at the same time I love it...go figure...).

WHAT?...no calm down...its not that hard....ITS EVEN HARDER...and having Rainman shooting answers at your side doesn't help...it has gotten to the point that Teiken (good ole boy math teacher extraordinare...) has banned him from answering out load, to no avail...

but in spite of all this, and between the two I'm squeezing out a high "b"...

and to celebrate, I bought a new T-shirt...a black number with three truthful words...

"math is hard"

*goes to do her homework*
Sique

the first step of a million mile journey....

...12 hours a day for 3 days a week on my feet, for what? To make money to take care of myself and my girls....

...the terror and bad memories of driving brought on my driving instruction, why? Because I have to get around town on my own....

...going to math tutors and hours spent reading 1000 page books, why bother? To get my degree so I don't have to stand on my feet for 12 hours a day, 3 days a week....

...looking through travel logs for Albuquerque and Norfolk, what's the use? To look into getting a Bachelor's Degree......

I have started the journey of a life time....the building project called "Sique in her Thirties" ....one where I find myself single again and raising the girls by myself ....battling demons I thought I would never see again....questioning my goals and former choices....wondering If I am ready to accept love again, or am I fooling myself....

a journey built on a foundation of kindness, strength, courage, tears and sleep deprevation....

join me for a spell, won't you?

I make for good company, and to tell the truth, I could use some as well, dear reader.

Power, Joy and Freedom be yours,
Sique

...change of life...

I'm here...no really...no I haven't been writing...

BUT the last week has been mind bending and life altering...

I gained a new job...(a computer building position, being a geek and all...)

I lost a husband and former best friend...(he's moving to FL at the end of the month but he is preparing now by moving BACK out of the house)

I enrolled in a driver's course (BE AFRAID AND FOREWARNED....I WILL DRIVE EVEN IF IT KILLS ME AND YOU!) just kidding....I don't intend to die...

The girls got their keys to the house...and now have appointed themselves grown...

and many many other things....

when things slow down or when I catch up, I will expand on all of these things....

but for now just know that I am here and working smart and hard on my independence.

Sique

...sin and diamonds....

...a friend and I came back from the movie "Sin City", which may be the best movie I've seen in years, if for anything else it's spot on the graphic novel its based on...

a movie with very bad guys as good guys... where the world is in black and white with only brushes of color...where women are brave and strong and kind (sometimes) and ballsier than most guys in the movie...cannibals and psychos abound...

beautiful.

and after that at a fast food place, we got to talking about the state of our lives and how we value ourselves...

no, this wasn't brought on by the movie, but as it is our tradition, we tend to drift into this direction everytime we sit at a meal...

"what is the one thing you would say that I need to fix in my life?" she asked as we downed fries and what passed for meat in our sandwiches.

without a thought, or even looking up for that matter, "you need to start loving yourself..."

"what's to love? she said without even less thought....

this is a woman who stood up to her parents, and in spite of them, started a new life; trying to life it on her terms (if she could figure out what they are....) and try to start a romance....

WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?!!?

"you have to see yourself as valuable..." she scoffs. I start to think of diamonds....

diamonds are rocks...carbon, pressed and pressured by time and space (and interfering families, I can only assume) into a clear hard stone....

not everyone is jewelry quality, but the most flawed, chipped, and darkest diamonds have a value far more than that of their unpressured carbon cousins...

she hasn't had the fairy tale life that she thought she should have, but she is self- sufficient, alcohol and drug free, not homeless, worked several jobs for most of her adult life....

....a diamond, flawed certainly, but a valuable one nonetheless...

"and fuck you for thinking of yourself as anything less."

then I went on to refill my soda. and yes, dear reader, we are still friends....