Year Zero

Welcome to Year Zero...

with the enrollment to my program a year away, i thought it would be a good idea to get some things in order.

So I'm 

• buying a house and getting a home office set up
  
• getting the above mentioned house ready for Moe's return 
• rip a budding powerful relationship from the jaws of my own self sabotage 
• talking to several people about the KCS (Knowledge Centered Support) process
• finishing my books for the Book 100...
• getting rest
• getting healthy
• growing my hair out
• going to let you know how it's coming along...

Sique

Wolves in SiqueCountry

I forgot where I heard this, but this time seems the best time to share:

"A grandfather and his young grandson were talking and the old man proceeded to tell the child:

There are two wolves in a fight to the death in my head, each wanting possession of my soul.

One is a wolf of darkness, who revels in pain and negativity.

The other is the wolf of light, personification of love and joy.
The boy looks up at his grandfather and asks
Which one will win ?

Without hesitation, the grandfather replies

The one I feed."

Words are Wicked- Episode 2: Double Entendre

Sique checks her emails at work and in receiving the requested correspondence, gives them serious consideration. Satisfied with the words of support, she finishes her work and goes home.

Chores are done, cartoons with the pretty girl are watched and class work is completed. She looks over her day, prides herself in a day well done and looks forward to reading a few pages before she drifts off to sleep…

Curled up in her Hello Kitty pajamas, she starts reading. Then after a few pages, she stops; pondering on a phase, phasing actually, but dismisses it and reads on. Another dozen or so pages later her thoughts settle on the phrasing again and she's compelled to go back and read it over.

Where did she read that before? She shakes it off…she has read and written hundreds of thousands of words in the last few days, phrase recall is nothing new.

But…she getting tired and she needs to clean up her files before dropping off to sleep. She picks up her correspondence, gives it the once over then runs over to her book….


From WLCK in SiqueCountry, this is Words Are Wicked. (theme music plays).

Each time, we have a theme and write a blog about that theme.

This week's theme: Double Entendre.

Stories about how words change meanings from the writer to the written. How climate, context and cathexis can change simple words into weapons of mass confusion.

But before we go any further, let define what we mean by double entendre.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as "A double meaning; a word or phrase having a double sense, especially as used to convey an indelicate meaning"

And that's what most people think when they hear that phrase, visions of lurid lines dripping sex and innuendo come to mind.

But oftentimes, it's much more subtle… while it has a double meaning, the meaning that's intended may, and often does, change between the parties involved. The intended meaning is presumed and assumed to be innocent, but context, additional information shared between the parties, may shade, turn or twist the meaning and then, as they say hilarity ensures.

Stay Tuned (fade to break and station identification)

the right hand of DEATH...or some such

I, Sique Keller am a right hand man. Turning the anatomical arguements aside for a moment, I offer this with a fair amount of pride.

I have been a friend, partner, companion, bouncer, advisor, henchman & assistant to 8 men in my life for their company alone and many others as a function of my job. And I'm good at it.

Need the girlfriend to disappear so she won't tip off your wife?

Need a 6 carat IF pink diamond because the girlfriend already tipped off the wife?

Need a 45 minute speech written in 30 minutes...oh you need it in 15?

You need to fire someone?

You need a 9 year old to learn to read so he can pass the standardized testing?

You need to a shoulder to cry on, but you happen to be the guy with the reputation for being the coldest, meanest, emotionless rat bastard in the organization?

I'm your girl...and yes I have done those things and many more...

So what, you ask ?

You would think that a girl who can do that stuff could be able to do anything, right?
right?

But the sad truth is I can do for anyone but myself...

That has changed.

Passion swells in the heart of the dark girl and I persue it, body and soul.

Blessed are those who guide and shelter,

pity those stupid enough to get in my way...

we are well met, are we not?

I put that I was looking for my ka-tet on my mood today. Not familiar with the term, The iPhone Goddess asked what a ka-tet was. I thought that it would be good to define this concept.

A ka-tet, according to wikipedia, is a concept created by Stephen King for the Dark Tower series and is defined as the belief that a group of people can be tied together by fate, or ka to journey down the path that only they can travel.

Not to say that I would base a life philosophy on a science fiction series, but it does make sense.
The path from the ghetto girl to wunderlustful traveler to bohemian mother to researcher and educator has been an adventure with pitfalls and pratfalls and dead ends and now I find myself in the wide valley, with choices, many of them good, some of them great.

And therein lays the danger.

When one is faced with bad choices, the better course of action is clear, whether you want to follow it or not, you now what you must do. However when the choices are good, that is, when there are several that you desire and you have to choose between all the things that you desire, you must have the courage to choose the path that will take you your ultimate goal and go through the grieving process of giving up the rest, freeing yourself from 'what could have been'.
And if you are anything like me and you have been without for a good part of your life and lust for knowledge an experience, this is a painful process.

So what does one do to find the path and stay on it with a clear mind and a joyful heart?

You find your ka-tet. You find the ones drawn to you by fate and you travel with them, giving love and support, investing in their growth as they travel with you as they invest in yours.

This is the hardest part, at least in my experience, because it involves finding and nurturing the spirit of many, being patient and waiting for them to see AND surrender to the touch of fate.

Their acknowledgement and desire to walk the path with you is all important. You cannot force another to see where you fit- most will perceive it as an attempt to use them, sleep with them or make another type of gain, none of which is of service. They must see the path to you. And only then will you, that is, both or all of you, will know which way to go.

This process is a personal one, different for every person. My process simply stating a goal to the universe (you may know it as praying) and then I find that my thoughts fall upon a person or a process that is needed. It isn't always the person I'd expect or the method that I would find desirable or easy, but with a surrendered heart and mind I make my of service to them, seeking nothing but the path, and if they don't see or see but do not acknowledge, I have gained the joy that comes from giving, and they have gained the service for the asking. If however, they see a path, if they feel fate drawing them to you, they will, at least, in my case, respond in kind- through service. And through that the path is clear, though no eye can see, the course laid down long before waiting to be found.

And so I have found myself drawn to the beginnings of my ka-tet.

Softly and gently (or sometimes not so…) we tread towards fate.

Fearful, intrigued, joyful.

And well met.

the path is clear, though no eye can see....

It always seem easier for me to function when things aren't going well... the choices are easier, at least when you have to choose between two undesirable choices.

Things have settled down now and I find it difficult to get used to the good vibes. Sleeping has been deep and restful, which is a good thing and the path for the next 6 years is presenting itself through the fog.

Things are well.

The choices have gotten harder.

The dark girl is ready. I think.

The team is being assembled for this journey into academia, turning the simple ghetto girl from C-town into a researcher and educator. The first step is selecting a topic.

TGD got me pissed off enough to get 50 pages out of me but somehow I don't think that that's the right approach. It will make a great book someday, but the focus is on the path.

The lesson is focus and time management. With 2 sessions to go and 85% of the classes online as well as independent study and the creation of lesson plans, these are essential.

Clarity and desire has grasped me more than I am willing to admit right now; delicacy and time is needed.

The path is before me, bright and shining; soon I will know which direction to go.

join me, won't you?

Thank you.

Yours,

Sique

careful what you wish for....

moe is now in a half-way foster home and making a point to show me that she isn't sorry for she did. She doesn't want to see me, but she:

-wants my money ('tell mom to send me a ipod or some money')
-wants her room ('don't go into my room anymore'...she forgot that she doesn't live there anymore)
-wants to be away from us, but not too far.

What kills me is the nerve she has. Beating her sister, stealing, lying, and shoplifting and she still expects to have the perks of being my daughter.

Once again she wants the benefits with no responsbility for her behavior....

*sighs*

Her room is going to make a great office....

break your heart in 5 minutes.....

Moe was on good behavior, so she was allowed a 5 minute phone call. She called and asked about the new bunny and if we were setting off fireworks.

She gets on the phone with Tea and her sister asks a series of questions:

- do they let you out of your cell? answer: yeah, sometimes....
- do they slip a tray through your door? answer: no i go to the cafeteria
- do you really like it there better than being at home? answer: I like it a little better than when MoM is home, but I get lonely

that tore my heart out....and before she could say much more, she was gone. First instinct is to say "fine, you can stay...." secod one is to cry....

Those who know, really know, know what's going on, but it doesn't lesson the heart break....

-1

My oldest daughter had to leave my home. I thought that she wouold listen, but alas she chose her on way. she chose to in trouble and she chose to steal and lie and assault her sister. so she went to Gardener-Betts, the juvie jail here in Austin.

She cried and tried to gain sympathy, then she lied to others, saying that I got her drunk and beat her daily. (mind you, not that "I " got drunk, but got "her" drunk....)

She finds that even there that she has to obey and now she wants to leave there...but not go home. Anywhere that she can do what she wants to do without paying the price.

...good luck with that...

to quote Stephen King, if there one thing I have learned in life, this is a cash and carry world. you pay as you go....

we all have to pay.... I have to lose a daughter, Tea has to lose a friend, even though she feels it's best to have her somewhere else....

we all have to pay and if we don't pay, the world takes....

Moe, please learn this before it's too late.

New ventures and Old friends....

Hello, All: Sique here with a plan to keep blogging...

but first a check you up:

-Moe has gotten herself in soo much trouble. she got suspended, got arrested for shoplifting, had to go to summer school, got her head shaved (for getting arrested), and decided that she's going to the drill team in high school and the Navy after that.

-Tae is trying to find where she fits in the world, and is having a problem fitting her role as a leader and is coming to terms with the fact that she needs to grow up. but nothing that includes the police.

-Jinge is working a very nice state contract and is moving in on March of 08. we are working on the Moe issue and have decided that we are going down the elise to the imperial march.

and lastly me... I have lost 20 pounds, about 8 semesters away from the bachelor's degree, and about to write a book...

...no really...

there are at least 4 series, yes series of books in my head right now, which is probably why I have such headaches...

not only that, but I think that I may even start a publishing company... a place where I can print my writings and my comics and and see it in print without having to plead to the powers that be "please, puuuleeeease print my book!" (Why don't I post on the web? Call me a dead tree snob, but I love to have the stuff in my hands, reading it away from the computer. That's reading.)

I'm with Apple Inc. now and I'm wondering what took me so long to apply with them. As with any company,to paraquote Grace Jones: it's not perfect, but it's perfect for me.

I have a full and busy summer ahead of me

--I have a series of short stories to write.
--I have to ride out the Mac learning curve.
--I have to make sure that Moe goes to summer school.
--I have to finish 6 classes.
--I have to sleep.
--I have to start writing you on a regular basis again.

...if nothing else, it will help me keep in touch with you and I'll get the writing in that I need.

I'll talk to you soon,
Sique

lying and stealing

I thought that we went through this and had it figured.

Moe went through her phase of lying and stealing from me, and all was good.

...then slowly little things started to vanish...and she was full excuses...and lies.

"it wasn't me MoM, why can't you believe me?"
"what am I supposed to do when I'm angry?"
"I'm trying not to lie"

and when that doesn't work, the insults begin:

"you just want me to be a boy"
"you always humiliate me"
"you don't respect me, just tolerate me"

each one cuts. each one burns. and it makes me want to cry.

but not alone. There's been too much of that.

too much crying and no one to hear...too many tears shed by myself when the person who hurt me is clueless.

not alone, not today....

I took my lunch and pull her out of class and poured my heart and my pain in her lap.
I stressed that we were on the same side and everything I do I do for her & her sister. That she wants things that I want for her but I refuse....

REFUSE!

to give her if she steals from me....
lies to me....
to me....
ME!

the one who is always in her corner.....

She asks for more time. She asks for help.

and we cry....

and I hope....