...the state of the men in my life...
the ink is barely dry on my divorce papers and I am already rethinking the men in my life...
I divorced Trout because he took us for granted and was scared by my move to go back to school, sabotaging everything that I did to accomplish this goal.
Not to say that he wasn't without his good side.
Namely he adores me....Has over almost 14 years.
Short of me going back to school, he supported me in some of the darkest times of my life...
he was a friend...funny, cheerful most times, a prankster and emotionally connected and available...right up until the time I wanted something he couldn't give me...
a college education...(I went to school the first time before we married)
and now that we are divorced, he sees that I'm serious about school and is finally accepting that (it saddens me that I had to go this far for him to do that, though)
I still want him in my life, I still want to be adored, but he can't support my dreams.
Jinge, on the other hand, is in full support of my dreams and goals...helping me with math, getting me on track for the MCSE, being a listening ear for my trouble with school and with Trout...
an easy laugh and shoulder to cry on...and I new perseptive when I find myself in a corner...
and even though he wants me to be emotionally available, to be able to talk to him about whatever, he is anything but...
...wanting to be free from responsibilty, he keeps me at arms reach...just close enough so he isn't lonely...
but so far that I am...even when I am with him...
our connection runs so deep that we can actually be the same person at times...
but he hides when I see glimpes of the man he really is, good or bad...
I still want him in my life, I still want the support and aid he provides, but he won't hold my heart.
so what is a newly single girl do?
put the man she left and the man she loves on notice....
I will get what I want out of life, with or without you.
But having said that, I want you to be there to help me celebrate...
not much of a solution, but it serves and suits me for now.
I divorced Trout because he took us for granted and was scared by my move to go back to school, sabotaging everything that I did to accomplish this goal.
Not to say that he wasn't without his good side.
Namely he adores me....Has over almost 14 years.
Short of me going back to school, he supported me in some of the darkest times of my life...
he was a friend...funny, cheerful most times, a prankster and emotionally connected and available...right up until the time I wanted something he couldn't give me...
a college education...(I went to school the first time before we married)
and now that we are divorced, he sees that I'm serious about school and is finally accepting that (it saddens me that I had to go this far for him to do that, though)
I still want him in my life, I still want to be adored, but he can't support my dreams.
Jinge, on the other hand, is in full support of my dreams and goals...helping me with math, getting me on track for the MCSE, being a listening ear for my trouble with school and with Trout...
an easy laugh and shoulder to cry on...and I new perseptive when I find myself in a corner...
and even though he wants me to be emotionally available, to be able to talk to him about whatever, he is anything but...
...wanting to be free from responsibilty, he keeps me at arms reach...just close enough so he isn't lonely...
but so far that I am...even when I am with him...
our connection runs so deep that we can actually be the same person at times...
but he hides when I see glimpes of the man he really is, good or bad...
I still want him in my life, I still want the support and aid he provides, but he won't hold my heart.
so what is a newly single girl do?
put the man she left and the man she loves on notice....
I will get what I want out of life, with or without you.
But having said that, I want you to be there to help me celebrate...
not much of a solution, but it serves and suits me for now.
posted by sique | 10:38 AM
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