my life from above, part I

As time and the difficulties that build strength marches on, I start to see mayself differently.

fading away is the vibrant, happy and optimistic woman who looked forward to her thirties and the challenges it brings...

the woman who loved deeply and played hard...

who wanted to live life for the experience...

she is slowly being possessed by a stone golem...devoid of emotion, for fear of the truth of life...the realities that may steal any joy that she had, and intent on wiping out the glimmers of happiness that peak through the chinks in her gypsum shell.

my girls are finding their on way in the world, making decisions and suffering the consciquences...it's hard to watch when your only desire is for them to be happy, content and satisfied with the life you have given them.

...but as we all do, they long to find or build a life defined by the rules that they make or break...

...it was thrilling when we did it, barely escaping the hard landings and the razors' edge

or hitting them with the force of a MAC truck...wiping themselves off and yelling:

"YES MA'AM MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?"

But when we see it as a observer, the mentor to the most precious things in our lives, we cringe and cry, worry and fret...

...and, for whateever reason get mad when they are alright:

"don't you understand what you are doing to me?"

...sounding like a parent...

sounding like our parents....