ms ethel

we (trout and I ) were having potato soup at Major Hooples years ago...it was our first REAL date- date...i was a bit nervous...

...He wasn't the kind of guy I usually dated
...He was kind of shy and VERY quiet

I thought that If I was going to sink I would do it right away so I could storm off to the Flats and drink.

Sique: "So what did your MoM think about your going out?"
Trout: "She was surprised. I haven't been out on a date in years"
Sique: "Did you tell her I was black?"
Trout: "yeah"

...yeah I know... conversation wasn't big that night. it was hard enough to get eye contact out of him, but I digress...

Sique: "what did she say?"
Trout: "she said: 'well, they do say black girls make good lovers...' " red ran up his checks and before he could bring up the pilsner to hide it, his entire face was a good even scarlet...

i did mention this was my first date right?

after that date, I actually did meet Trout's Mom, Ms Ethel and she was qutie kind and fully supportive of her oldest son.

she had faith that he would make a good stepfather...

she gave her blessing and good wishes when he decided to move out of Cleveland and live 2000 miles away, over and in spite of the rest of the family's objections...

she felt that her moving with us would interfere with our building a life, even though she could have used the sunshine and the relief...

when the marriage ended, she took no sides and still looked forward to hearing from her son, his ex wife and the children.

my hand was just lifting the phone on Mother's Day to wish her and the other MoMs in my life when it rang.

Trout was in tears

"My mom passed away. "

he tried to say more but all he could do is sob...

and all I could do but listen and remind him that the good folks in the world always have a shorter time limit than the evil. That, and she wasn't evil or bitter enough to live forever.

that got a laugh.

after about 40 or so minutes I actually got to finish my calls...

one fewer this year.

and it made the ones I did make all the more meaningfull.

...mothers and daughters....

I'm someone's daughter....

now, I know that sounds quite painfully obvious, but let me explain...

for the longest time, I didn't think of myself in that way.

I thought myself abandoned, left to the side so my mom could stay in her house instead of have to work for a living...

or explain why my father was still there after what he did...

It wasn't until I had to make a choice, though not nearly has harmful, about how I would live my life...

as the contract with my county job ends, I find myself wondering about where the cable bill is coming from...

Trout, bless him, his voice eternal still roaring with the intensity of wishful thinking, called me after Tea gave him the news:

Trout: "why didn't you call me?, Why didn't you let me know?"

Sique: "because I knew that if I told you, you would ask to move back in, claiming to 'help' me by lifting the burdon of work while I finish school, but you'll constantly beg me to dump Jinge and have sex with you. right?"

Trout: "UHHHHH...but you DO need help." (Ladies and Gents please put your hands together for ManLogic....ManLogic, everybody!)

Sique: "No thanks"

but then....the allure of sleeping in, having time to do my homework, stay up late, cut up with the girls, work out....

...rent paid, bills paid no worries....

I can see where mom had the problem...security at high cost vs. the right thing and have to worry.

but I know better.

I know that cost.

and it's too much

and I can't hide behind "the well being of the girls".

I have to stand ahead and make sure of it.

someone didn't learn that lesson until it was too late

but a lesson someone's daughter learned....

looking for a new job,
sique

...thinking about the future....

the last few months of school has arrived and for the first time I have found something that appeals the the geek in me:

databases

no, don't laugh...

NO, stop laaaaaaaaaughing...

spending time with My SQL has been enlightening and wonderful....

I think I have found the thing I will be getting my Bachelors and MBA in.

The girls are out and about and acting grown.
Moe, my oldest, has aquired the one item that has bolted her social life the next level:

a cell phone.

but I'm no fool...she has prepaid.

soooo...unless she chatting away with me or her friends in her network where the airtime is free, she gets SOL and out of minutes real quick and has to earn more time on her phone.

and in this, I have found her motivation.

the contract on my state job ends on 31 May, so I'm now in the hunt for new employment. When I first heard about it, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop...

...waiting to feel scared and the fear to chill my blood.

nonesuch.

I'm just looking forward to getting some sleep and spending time with Jinge and his parents.
but that's a story for another blog, another time.

Joy,
Sique